I’m Voting for None of Your Business

“So…who are you voting for??”

I’ve been asked this question so many times over the past year.  And, honestly, it’s a legitimate, community-binding question.  Right?


Often I would like to ask, in return, “I’m not sure yet, but let me ask, how many blow jobs did you give last year?!?”  I don’t, of course, because I have decorum, dammit.  But still.  It would certainly raise a few eyebrows.


Politics is a polarizing issue.  People love to talk about it!  My Facebook page is rife with opinions (many wrong), thoughts (many stupid), and ideas (some worth while).  Politics, though, truly is one of those subjects that gets even the most benign individuals to open up.  Politics and religion.  And sex.  And the whole LGBT thing.  And “Game of Thrones,” for some reason.  Whatever.

I’m not a political person.  I have peripheral knowledge, information I’ve gathered from the internet, billboards, news reports, and opinionated customers at work (because retail).  I’m a Democrat – there, I said it.  And that’s no secret.  I am perched deftly on the Left Wing because, well, the Right Wing is all mangled and shit.  But that’s just my opinion.  I know about Hillary’s email scandal, but the details escape me.  I know Bernie wants free education for everyone.  I know Trump has small hands or some shit like that.  And a trampy wife, but money can pretty much buy you anything.

I couldn’t have a political conversation/argument/debate to save my life.  The last time my mother was here she started rambling on about Obama and what a mess he’s made of the country.  I just nodded.  If Obama has ruined the country, I haven’t noticed.  At least no major buildings were pummeled by hijacked planes on his watch, but that’s a different story.  All I know is I’m as well versed in politics as Ann Coulter is in shutting the fuck up.

Admitting to being a Democrat might give away which I’m leaning in the voting booth.  But it’s still none of anyone’s business.  It feels so personal, doesn’t it?  Someone recently asked me, quite seriously, “You’re voting for Bernie, right?”  It’s as if someone was asking if I’ve seen “Office Space.”  Apparently an amazing film, but admitting to not seeing it is akin to not knowing men have walked on the moon.  “How can you not have seen that movie??”

Easy.  I haven’t seen it.  There, done.

I’m being ornery, I know.  If you know me, that’s my sassiness shining through.  The truth is, though, I’m not letting a single soul know who I’m actually voting for.  Okay, I will not be voting for Donald Trump (should he get the nomination, but as of this writing…duh).  Maybe I won’t vote at all.  Okay, that’s silly, but still.  Maybe I won’t. (seriously, I’m kidding.)

Whatever the case, it’s often just voting for the lesser of two evils, isn’t it?  Politics might be polarizing, but we can all agree on that.  That, and Ann Coulter needs to shut the fuck up.  Honestly, who invited her to the party?  She doesn’t even go here.







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